Is this it?

I am convinced that one of these days, my pain will just get to the point where I can’t stand it any more. Having to give up anything that requires mobility, like kayaking, is bad enough. But I worry that I’ll end up having to medicate beyond what is legal for flying, and lose even that outlet. Or worse, I’ll be unable to even think straight, either from the pain or the medication. I don’t know what I’ll do at that point, because my life as a relatively happy and productive member of society will be over. I’ve thought that day was just around the corner for 25 years now, but so far it has been gradual enough that I’ve been able to make adjustments.

But right now my elbows are killing me. On top of my usual knee and hip pain, my elbows have been so sore I haven’t been sleeping well, and I can barely concentrate when I’m awake. And it has been like this since Monday. If it had happened as a result of Friday’s kayaking, I could understand, but I didn’t do anything exceptional on Sunday or Monday that could have triggered this.

Of course, watching the recent episode of “House, M.D.” didn’t help, where the stuff happening in the guy’s brain was putting him in so much pain that even putting him in a coma wasn’t helping. I felt like I was watching my future.

I hope this isn’t it. I’m 45 years old, and I’ve been in near constant pain for 30 years. I just want it to stop.

One thought on “Is this it?”

  1. Sadly Paul I see myself heading down the same road.

    Between a screwed up neck (for which a spinal fusion didn’t really help) and an apparently destroyed ankle joint for which even the orthopedic surgeons say there’s not much then can do for (except replace the joint later in life) I can see that me and the Tylenol bottle will be good friends.

    Like yourself, I keep a close eye on my pill intake as well, not wanting to invalidate my medical either.

    I suspect we’re going to both have some sore mornings at Oshkosh.

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