Month: September 2004

Freedom from speech

At lunch time today a group of us were having a political discussion. As usual the most anti-Bush of us were the most vocal. I say “anti-Bush” instead of “liberal” because one of the most vocal guys is a hard-core Republican who is ashamed that he’s going to have to vote for Kerry because Bush isn’t really a Republican, because of his record deficits and assault on the Constitution. Before the USA PATRIOT act, he and I got into very heated arguments about the purpose of government and who should be helping whom.

Anyway, today we had a woman joining us for lunch who used to eat with us, but stopped. And I think I see why. She’s a hard-core partisan Republican, and claims that Rob isn’t a Republican because he’s not voting for Bush, and Bush is the only person who can fight terrorism. I was trying to be fairly moderate to not make her too uncomfortable while she’s so out-numbered by people who disagree with her politics so completely. But then she turns to me and says “You shouldn’t even be talking”. “What?”, I asked. “You’re not a citizen, you can’t vote, so you shouldn’t even be talking.” I was flabergasted. I half expected her to tell me to “love it or leave it”.

Sorry, I was under the misapprehension that freedom of speech had only been drastically curtailed, not totally eliminated.

A perfect ending to the weekend

I was cruising down the New York State Thruway on the way home when I was feeling tired, so I stopped at a rest-stop for a snack and a diet coke. The gift store was in the process of locking up as I got there, and as I didn’t have any small bills for the vending machines, I reluctantly got in line for the McDonalds. There were five people who had already ordered and were waiting for their food orders, and during the time I was waiting at least three people came back to fix problems with their orders. I should have paid attention to that.

I ordered a diet coke and some of these new chicken strip things. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself all weekend over the sore elbows thing, and one manifestation is I’ve been going pretty heavy on the starch carbs although still trying to stay away from sugar carbs as much as possible, and *breaded* chicken is something I allowed myself. On Friday when I was really depressed, I ate a big bag of barbeque potato chips, something I used to do regularly. If you are only used to USian barbeque potato chips, you probably wouldn’t understand, but Canadian barbeque chips leave the inside of your mouth burning for hours afterwards – they’re wonderful.

As I hit the road again, I noticed the Coke tasted a bit weird, but I told myself it was just because I’ve been drinking Canadian Diet Coke all weekend, and I’m spoilt by the better sweetener they use in Canada (Aces-K, real name acesulfamine potassium or something like that). I should have paid attention to that.

Half an hour later, I notice my heart pounding, my head throbbing, and I feel like I have a very slight hangover or head cold. Oh oh. Those bastards gave me real Coke instead of Diet Coke. I check the lid – well, they didn’t push down the little button on the lid to indicate “diet”, but they often don’t if they’re giving it to you directly. The guy said it was diet when he handed it to me, didn’t he? Hmmm, maybe he didn’t?

I pull the blood sugar tester out of my bum bag. Just the other day I was wondering why I still drag this thing around, since my blood sugar hasn’t been lower than 70 or higher than 95 since I went on a low carb diet. I still have the knack for testing myself while I’m driving. 198. Not the highest it’s ever been, just the highest it’s been since I stopped poisoning myself with 3 regular Coca Colas every day.

Fuckola. It’s going to be a long night. Oh, and I forgot to stop at the drugstore to replenish the Alieve that I ran out of on Friday night.

WHY DO I EVEN FUCKING BOTHER!

Why did I allow myself to think that my fucked up body and the universe that obviously hates me with a passion would allow me to find a sport that I like, that gives me a moderate amount of exercise and which I can do without causing unbearable pain?

Today my elbows are extremely painful. Much worse than they were yesterday. Much worse than they were after kayaking. I know this place, I’ve been here so many times before. Once I get to a certain level of pain, EVERYTHING aggravates it, and even if I quit kayaking cold-turkey I’ll be in massive amounts of pain for two or three years to come.

I thought that this time it was going to be different. I thought I was being careful, I thought I was taking it slow, I thought I was stopping when it got painful so I was limiting the damage, I thought I was allowing decent recovery between sessions.

I’m crying now. And not just from the pain. I hate this. I just want to crawl into a cave somewhere and curl up and die.

WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN EVERY FUCKING TIME?

More on last night’s kayaking

My elbows are still a little tender today, but not really scarily sore like they were yesterday.

I forgot to mention something funny from yesterday. I got out of the kayak and stood up, and immediately fell over. My entire legs had fallen asleep, both of them. I’ve never had that happen before. I think I have to convince the kayak place to take those misplaced thigh pads out or switch to a different boat.