A perfect ending to the weekend

I was cruising down the New York State Thruway on the way home when I was feeling tired, so I stopped at a rest-stop for a snack and a diet coke. The gift store was in the process of locking up as I got there, and as I didn’t have any small bills for the vending machines, I reluctantly got in line for the McDonalds. There were five people who had already ordered and were waiting for their food orders, and during the time I was waiting at least three people came back to fix problems with their orders. I should have paid attention to that.

I ordered a diet coke and some of these new chicken strip things. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself all weekend over the sore elbows thing, and one manifestation is I’ve been going pretty heavy on the starch carbs although still trying to stay away from sugar carbs as much as possible, and *breaded* chicken is something I allowed myself. On Friday when I was really depressed, I ate a big bag of barbeque potato chips, something I used to do regularly. If you are only used to USian barbeque potato chips, you probably wouldn’t understand, but Canadian barbeque chips leave the inside of your mouth burning for hours afterwards – they’re wonderful.

As I hit the road again, I noticed the Coke tasted a bit weird, but I told myself it was just because I’ve been drinking Canadian Diet Coke all weekend, and I’m spoilt by the better sweetener they use in Canada (Aces-K, real name acesulfamine potassium or something like that). I should have paid attention to that.

Half an hour later, I notice my heart pounding, my head throbbing, and I feel like I have a very slight hangover or head cold. Oh oh. Those bastards gave me real Coke instead of Diet Coke. I check the lid – well, they didn’t push down the little button on the lid to indicate “diet”, but they often don’t if they’re giving it to you directly. The guy said it was diet when he handed it to me, didn’t he? Hmmm, maybe he didn’t?

I pull the blood sugar tester out of my bum bag. Just the other day I was wondering why I still drag this thing around, since my blood sugar hasn’t been lower than 70 or higher than 95 since I went on a low carb diet. I still have the knack for testing myself while I’m driving. 198. Not the highest it’s ever been, just the highest it’s been since I stopped poisoning myself with 3 regular Coca Colas every day.

Fuckola. It’s going to be a long night. Oh, and I forgot to stop at the drugstore to replenish the Alieve that I ran out of on Friday night.

WHY DO I EVEN FUCKING BOTHER!

Why did I allow myself to think that my fucked up body and the universe that obviously hates me with a passion would allow me to find a sport that I like, that gives me a moderate amount of exercise and which I can do without causing unbearable pain?

Today my elbows are extremely painful. Much worse than they were yesterday. Much worse than they were after kayaking. I know this place, I’ve been here so many times before. Once I get to a certain level of pain, EVERYTHING aggravates it, and even if I quit kayaking cold-turkey I’ll be in massive amounts of pain for two or three years to come.

I thought that this time it was going to be different. I thought I was being careful, I thought I was taking it slow, I thought I was stopping when it got painful so I was limiting the damage, I thought I was allowing decent recovery between sessions.

I’m crying now. And not just from the pain. I hate this. I just want to crawl into a cave somewhere and curl up and die.

WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN EVERY FUCKING TIME?

This is your talent…

I’m listening to The Pogues “Streams of Whiskey” all the way through for the first time. I’ve listened to individual cuts once or twice. I swear, you could use this in a Public Service Announcement commercial on the dangers of alcoholism.

“Pogue Mahone” – This is your talent
“Streams of Whiskey” – This is your talent ruined by chronic alcoholism.
Any questions?

What you call flip-flopping I call personal growth

In today’s paper there is a columnist writing about every miniscule difference between John Kerry in 1984 and John Kerry in 2004. I don’t know about you, but if somebody had *exactly* the same opinions on everything that they did 20 years ago, I’d call them so pig-headed and stubborn that they don’t learn from experience, don’t change their opinion based on new evidence, and don’t grow personally.

So here’s a toast to John Kerry’s ability to think and reason and admit when his original position no longer makes sense based on new information.