Category: Pain

Saturday evening

My elbows seem to get sorer after doing my stretches. Right now, I’d give them a 4 or 5.

My knees and hips are at their usual 2 or 3, dull unfocused pain.

I haven’t taken anything yet today, but I’m going to take some Alieve now.

Some random thoughts about the blog

Last night, lying in bed trying to get to sleep, I had a few random thoughts about my blog.

  • If I were to just put the already generated pages of Maddy’s blog and the memorial blog, and not allow new entries or comments, then it doesn’t need a blog engine behind it, and so therefore I could upgrade *this* blog to the newest version of MovableType or TextPattern. I can’t currently upgrade MovableType because the current version’s free license only allows one author.
  • I should make a new category for a pain diary, but not put it on the main page. Sort of like how on Maddy’s blog only her entries go on the main index, but other stuff posted about her by others goes in the category index on the side.
  • I should put all the updates I’m doing to the navaid.com site into a blog, either this one or another one. I should also transition the copilot-announce mailing list to Gradwell.

WHY DO I EVEN FUCKING BOTHER!

Why did I allow myself to think that my fucked up body and the universe that obviously hates me with a passion would allow me to find a sport that I like, that gives me a moderate amount of exercise and which I can do without causing unbearable pain?

Today my elbows are extremely painful. Much worse than they were yesterday. Much worse than they were after kayaking. I know this place, I’ve been here so many times before. Once I get to a certain level of pain, EVERYTHING aggravates it, and even if I quit kayaking cold-turkey I’ll be in massive amounts of pain for two or three years to come.

I thought that this time it was going to be different. I thought I was being careful, I thought I was taking it slow, I thought I was stopping when it got painful so I was limiting the damage, I thought I was allowing decent recovery between sessions.

I’m crying now. And not just from the pain. I hate this. I just want to crawl into a cave somewhere and curl up and die.

WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN EVERY FUCKING TIME?

More on last night’s kayaking

My elbows are still a little tender today, but not really scarily sore like they were yesterday.

I forgot to mention something funny from yesterday. I got out of the kayak and stood up, and immediately fell over. My entire legs had fallen asleep, both of them. I’ve never had that happen before. I think I have to convince the kayak place to take those misplaced thigh pads out or switch to a different boat.