Shopping for the person I fantasize that I am…

…not the person I really am.

At a charity auction the other day, I got a $500 gift certificate to a custom bespoke tailor shop, and another $500 gift certificate to a clothing store known for high quality and high prices. No, I’m not going to tell you how much I paid for those together, but it was more than I’ve spent on clothing in my life, except for the time we went wild at Men’s Warehouse before the cruise.

Today I had an appointment at the tailor shop. Imagine my surprise when I found out that their cheapest suit is around $1,200, and they go up from there to over $3,000. I wear a suit about once a year, and a good pair of pants and a blazer maybe three or four times.

But I get into that mood when I’m sitting in a store like that, and think that maybe I could turn into a sophisticated person. I saw a show once where they claimed that every man who tries on a tux thinks he’s James Bond. Me, I started to look at fabric bolts and half made suits and started imaging myself as the chairman of the board.

I could just see myself standing at a fancy cocktail party saying “why certainly, we could host the charity gala at our house if you can’t get it in at the yacht club”. (Of course the new house has a lot to do with the fantasy.) The only problem with that is that I don’t get invited to those sorts of parties, I can’t stand at those sorts of parties because of my bad knees, so I end up being ignored in the corner, and also I don’t drink cocktails. Also, I’m a slob. I can barely get around to shaving every couple of weeks, and I don’t remember to get my hair cut until it’s getting in my eyes and annoying me.

We went to the Red Barn and spent the other gift certificate on a pair of pants and a shirt. Very nice. But I have a feeling I don’t have a bespoke suit in my future.

One thought on “Shopping for the person I fantasize that I am…”

  1. The only problem with that is that I don’t get invited to those sorts of parties

    May I remind you that it was at exactly that kind of party that you acquired the certificates for the clothing? We’re on a List somewhere now. There will be more of them in our future.

    And remember that even if you don’t drink cocktails, you can stand around with a martini glass full of water if you want to look the part. You’ll get a reputation for being able to hold your booze.

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