My back spasmed up in the middle of the night. Actually, it was about 5:30am so I just got up. But because I’m working on my Functional Spec, instead of spending the day lying down to relieve the pain, I’m going from chair to chair trying to find a comfortable position to type.

If life is so good, why am I so sad?

I’m terribly depressed, and I’m not entirely sure why. I mentioned this to Vicki, and she started listing off dozens of reasons why I should be happy with no signs of stopping until I conceded the point. And I have to agree with every one of them. I should be happy. And yet, I am not.

There is one thing hanging over me right now – a Functional Spec that I promised would be done by Wednesday, and which I haven’t done nearly enough work on. The more I’m working on it, the bigger a job it looks. And the more impossible seems the deadlines both for having the Functional Spec and even more important, the code that I’m spec-ing. And with my project manager and my current product manager, that’s not going to go over well. Before, I might have been praised for giving information that would allow the schedule to be adjusted, but with these two I’m not sure. I feel like neither of them trust me, and because of that I don’t entirely trust them.

But I’ve been in bad situations at work here – hell, I survived a year and a half at SunGard without cracking up. Oh wait, I didn’t – I spent two years in therapy around that time. So never mind Sungard. But I did survive a year at Gandalf, where my boss’s boss thought his whole department should be shut down so I had to spend half the time writing long descriptions of what we were doing and how much we were saving the company.

So anyway, I don’t know why I’m so sad. And being sad isn’t helping write the Functional Spec.