Comments on: The bizarre calculus of life

By: Rob Guglielmetti

Rob Guglielmetti — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 03:19:23 +0000

Paul, I think Andrea has explained this better than I have, both in my post that pissed yu off and my follow-up comment to your comment…

By: Becca

Becca — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 01:03:05 +0000

At times, I still find myself reeling from Cody’s death. But I know that there is a fundamental difference between my dogs — no matter how I love them — and my kids. When I have dreams about something happening to my kids, I wake in a panic and have to (HAVE TO) immediately check on them. Would I trade my dog for my kids? Without hesitation, without thinking. I think of it this way — if my house were on fire, who would I get out first? My kids. Leave the dogs, leave the husband. And I’ve commented on that to AJ, and that he should do the same: Save the kids, leave me to burn. Because I wouldn’t want to live otherwise.

As you may know from lists far far away, I have to NOT read/watch news stories about terrible things happening to children. News stories about things happening to children “like” mine — age especially — are the worst. That can be the trigger for a panic attack.

And yes, the more “different” the child is, the more likely it is I can keep it abstract and detached. Further, the “bigger” the tragedy (war, famine, tsunami), the more abstract it is.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 00:59:50 +0000

I think the relationships I have with my pets (and we shall particularly consider Tink, because she is my favorite) is qualitatively different from the relationship I would have if I had a child, and that is why I have dogs and cats and not children. I also think that English and western civ don’t give us a good way to discuss the relationships we have with our pets without making comparisons to children.

The easiest shorthand for my relationship with The Usual Suspects is, indeed, “they’re like kids.” But they’re not like kids, or I’d have kids and not 2 dogs and three cats.

To be sure, The Usual Suspects are small lives in my care, who require me to provide the necessities for life and to protect them, as best I can, from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. This is similar, at a very basic level, to the relationship an adult has with a child. But I also depend upon the dogs to warn me of intruders, to be willing to protect me as I am willing to protect them, and Tink in particular to be…a sort of emotional outrigger to help me stabilize myself. These are things that are unlike the relationship I would have with a child. And all of this paragraph is, of course, a drastic simplification of the relationship I have with The Usual Suspects, and Tink in particular.

So while I might occasionally /say/ “they’re like kids” it’s because I’m shorthanding as best I can a very complex relationship, probably to avoid subjecting someone to a 90 minute dissertation on Why I Love My Tink. I know they’re not like kids, but there’s probably not a good way to explain what they /are/ like.